From the mind of Ruby Falk, LPC, Couples Therapist | Relationship Coach 

Here’s How to Actually Practice Self-Care this Holiday Season

The holidays are busy. And oftentimes, they revolve around other people feeling entitled to your time - whether that’s family members, colleagues, or friends. There is a looming pressure around this time of year that everyone is together. All the time. Making memories. Saying “yes” to every opportunity that comes your way. The mere thought of taking a moment to yourself seems unrealistic and, quite frankly, laughable. 

I’m a therapist who works with young moms and couples, so I see firsthand how much pressure there is to make this time of year magical for your kids. It’s also something that brings you joy, which makes sense! But I also see the dark side of it. The side where moms feel spread impossibly thin and have little-to-no downtime to recover. The side where comparing what this month looks like for you versus your peers dominates the story you tell yourself about what type of a mom you are. 

Self-care has become little more than a reductive marketing strategy; you’re either doing it right and doing it these exact ways or you’re doing wrong because you forgot to include these 75 things in your nighttime routine. 

But I have exciting news for you! 

You don’t need any of that. Because self-care, at its core, is about setting boundaries. I’d even argue that it’s impossible to genuinely practice self-care without them. And during the holidays, prioritizing boundaries is the foundation of taking care of yourself.

Now, in an ideal world, you and your partner would have already navigated this, so that you can enter the holiday season confident and clear-headed. But if you haven’t gotten the chance to dive into what this looks like, don’t worry! I made you a list of 3 simple boundary-setting tips to try:

1. Say No

I love to be the one to tell you this, but it actually is this simple. As long as you’re leading with respectful, kind language, you don’t owe people much else. You are responsible for what you say, not what someone else hears. 

2. Get entirely on the same page with your partner.

Setting boundaries must be a team effort. The reason that boundaries fail is often because you don’t feel 100% confident or clear on your “why.” Not only can your partner help you craft the “why,” but you’ll need them there to act as your unwavering advocate and ally. This is also a great trust-building exercise between you two, which we love. 

3. Prioritize your relationship.

Yes, even during the holidays. This doesn’t mean you need to add yet another event to the calendar, but after you put the kids to bed, meet up on the couch with some tea or wine and debrief your day. You can even turn gift-wrapping into bonding time by turning on the perfect playlist and making a little assembly line. No screens, please. 

If you take anything away from this, let it be this: 

Your kids need a regulated, happy mom more than they need literally anything else. Even though they can’t articulate it yet, your happiness is of the utmost importance to them. So what you might categorize as “not enoughness” - enough activities, enough decor, enough presents - they’re likely blissfully unaware. They want to feel loved, and I feel confident you’re already doing that for them. 

Happy holidays, Mamalas!

Xo - Ruby Falk, LPC

Couples Therapist | Relationship Coach

P.S. Want more relationship tips? Come hang out with me on Instagram and TikTok @rubytalksrelationships AND get free journaling prompts here. 

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A Note From Mamala